Wolf and Lachrymosa
by Luna Silvereyes
Summary: They'd dreamed of it for years, of finally seeking out Yoitsu. However, fear of what they'd find held them back. Now, Lawrence and Holo are faced with their toughest trial yet as they realize time is running out, and this is their last chance.


Wolf and Lachrymosa

Luna Silvereyes

_Wheat fields, golden and rich, bright and full stalks swaying in the breeze. I stand from afar, watching it solemnly. I get the feeling I should be experiencing profound sadness at the sight of those familiar lands. However, before I can draw nearer to them, I am chased away by pursuing shadows with faces I do not recognize. I feel no fear or animosity; only contempt as I evade their clutches. The one bright spot in the entire tiny world, the tree I cared for, bids me farewell as I grow further and further away from those oppressive wheat fields. Some part of me is indeed saddened with the knowledge that I shall never again set foot in those wheat fields, to take upon myself the task that he gave me so long ago. However, to my chagrin, another part of me has actually come to loathe him for it, for trapping me in that golden prison for so many years, deprived of warmth and a kind and tender gaze. _

I shake myself awake, standing at the window of the inn and looking out over the expansive snow covered forests of Nyohira. My sharp eyes spot a small caravan arriving; merchants with goods to sell. I know that lifestyle all too well, it seems. I can smell the dried meats they have come to peddle. They're dressed in thick, luxurious fur, their breath escaping in pure white puffs of steam. Their horses stamp impatiently, cold and weak from their arduous trek. The old man hobbles out to greet them, inspecting their goods and gesturing them through. His gnarled old hands grip the sturdy cane holding him aloft. Despite the slightly crooked back and weathered appearance, I find myself amazed every day. Lawrence still managed to convey an air of authority that commanded respect from all who met him, yet still maintained that gentle, compassionate heart I fell in love with so many years ago.

Standing at the window, watching him slowly make his way inside, I gaze at my reflection in the glass, my own red eyes and youthful face staring back at me somberly. I reach up to flip a lock of long red hair back behind me, one of my ears twitching. When, I wonder, did I close my eyes and wake up to find that my blissful life is nearing its end already? I could have sworn they had only shut for but a moment. That familiar old fear had begun to well up within me. However, this time, I knew better than to fear loneliness. With the life I enjoyed now, I knew that loneliness would never bother me again. No, it had been discarded within my mind, replaced by a new and very real fear. Loss was easy to speak of when it was far away. Upon growing closer, it became too large a subject to ignore. Every day, watching our daughters grow older, finding mates and now bringing their own children back home to visit, the scent that made my hackles rise grew stronger and stronger. Even now, I was sure that Ula and Felda could smell it, but to them, I'm certain it was less potent. Whenever all of us were together, I could pick out this scent through those of my children and grandchildren; the approaching scent of death.

Lawrence's time was growing short.

Over the years, he'd done so much for me, though I know I did so very little for him in return. The reason the two of us had settled in Nyohira was so we could be closer to my former homeland, just a month's journey from here. I knew that although he was happy to finally have a place to call his home, having dismantled his cart and reused the pieces in the inn's construction, I also knew that it saddened him to be so far away from the people he thought of as friends. Marc and Adelle back in Kumerson, his contacts at Milone Trading in Pazzio, and possibly even those in Pasloe. He hadn't returned there since my escape from the wheat fields. We both knew that he could never go back there again. Over the years, many of his old acquaintances had passed on of natural causes. The only one who remained now was Dianna, also in Kumerson. She'd stopped by to visit once and for the first time, we were able to see _her_ true form. I smelled her coming from several miles away and quickly demanded a cloak from Lawrence for when she landed. After all, best to ward off any unnecessary thoughts from his head, no matter how inadvertent they may have been. True to my observations in Kumerson, her true form was a sight to behold, a massive, long necked white bird with crests of black feathers running down the top of her head halfway down her neck. When she resumed her normal form, we saw that, like me and my tail, she retained her wings on her arms, compressing the feathers down against them to hide them inside the cloak. She was as flippant as ever and annoyed me to no end, but adored the young Felda and infant Ula. Lawrence, good-natured as always, welcomed her gladly to our inn. Once he'd mentioned 'Our' inn, I felt my heart settle. I also realized my foolishness in doubting his faith in me and from then on, I tried to be more welcoming to our remaining female friends. As such, the very last time I ever laid eyes on the aging Norah, I welcomed her as an old and dear friend with open arms.

However, the saddest part remained to be told; though we had settled in Nyohira with the intent on journeying to Yoitsu once we had become comfortable, weeks turned into months into years and we had yet to set foot within the territory. Perhaps we were both afraid of what we might find there. I already knew that my pack would not be waiting for me. Even had they survived the destruction of Yoitsu, I have no doubt that they would have long since given up on my safe return and moved on somewhere. I knew that if I transformed, I could reach Yoitsu in two days or less. It would be such a simple matter, and I knew I would not be gone long.

I turned at the sound of the door opening downstairs as Lawrence admitted the merchants into our inn. My ears fell and I sighed, reaching down for the faded, moth-nibbled sling and hat he'd purchased for me so long ago in Pazzio. I prepared myself for the same old routine of posing as my own daughter in order to spare their suspicions. It was fortunate that Felda and I resembled one another tremendously, though it felt strange to look at her silvery ears atop her red hair. Her tail was odd too, the exact opposite of mine; pure white with a splash of dark brown at the end. My own bristled when I remembered how little she regarded her tail in favor of her hair. Her tail always looked shabby and it irked me to no end.

My hand grasped the handle on the door and I listened to his familiar, warming voice downstairs. My grip tightened. No matter how much I wished to see Yoitsu, even once, I knew that I loved Lawrence more. My dying dream was for us to see it together. But something in me told me that that would likely never happen.

I yanked open the door.

/ooo/

He watched as she flounced down the stairs in a huff, greeting their guests stiffly and heading over to the mantle place to light a fire. The young merchants eyed her curiously.

"Don't mind her," Lawrence said, chuckling, "She's not a morning person."

"Is that your daughter?" one of them asked.

Quite used to this by now, Lawrence sighed, "Yes. This is Felda, my oldest. My youngest daughter lives in town a couple miles down the road. Now then, do you have goods to store?"

"Yes, we have two carts."

"You can go ahead and bring them around to the side. Ho-_ahem, huh_, uh, Felda, please show them to their room. Second floor, second from the stairs." He said.

Holo looked up from the fireplace, her eyes flaming nearly as brightly as the fire itself. Lawrence caught the slight twitch of her tail beneath the old faded maroon robe, "Of course," she said, standing up, "Follow me, then."

She hurried to the stairs with the bewildered young merchants trailing after her. Lawrence watched her go and then sighed, running a hand through his now pure white hair and sitting back in his chair behind the desk. He glanced outside, squinting at the fiery sunset glittering over the treetops. Nyohira was such a peaceful town. Though it was so far from the world he'd known his whole life, he'd never once regretted settling here. Sure, it snowed a lot and he was getting to the point where shoveling it became nearly impossible, but it was so beautiful and absorbed so much sound that the silence became almost ethereal in its tranquility. During those times, he'd taken to going to the hot springs adjacent to the inn, enjoying a mug of hot burning wine and gazing up at the starry night. More often than not, Holo would join him, though her personality had taken a weird quirk following the birth of their oldest daughter. Following Felda's arrival, her body had predictably changed and was no longer the slim, lean body of a young girl, but had developed the slightly fuller, almost muscular look some women seemed to gain postpartum. However, for the first time since he'd known her, she was now self-conscious of herself. He wasn't really sure why, but whenever she entered the hot spring with him, she always made him turn around first. He wondered if spending so much time as a human was beginning to affect her mind in some way, since he'd never known her to mind people seeing her naked before. Hell, in the first months of running the inn, people had stumbled in on her bathing and she'd never even batted an eye. In fact, the women who accidentally disturbed her were often invited to join her. The men were politely, but sternly turned away. Now, she refused to bathe during the morning and afternoon when most people used the springs. She would only go in once Lawrence had locked them to the public used them himself in the evening.

Lawrence leaned on the counter and chuckled, thinking back to Holo's pregnancy with Felda. Oh how she'd suffered. He'd called in a midwife to assess her condition and he swore he would never forget the look on her face when the midwife told Holo that she was forbidden to drink while expecting. It had taken all of his willpower not to laugh. And since she couldn't drink, her food cravings had gotten rather weird. Lawrence had thus become quite skilled at pickling things and, much to her delight, learned how to pickle fruits as well. This came in handy for distracting her from cravings such as salted pelican meat or brined apples. She'd also taken to walking around the perimeter of the inn's property during those times and came home once with her mouth stuffed with green leaf buds, much to his astonishment. Another time, she spent an entire day staring at an apple on the front table before finally eating it. Lawrence assumed she was hoping it would ferment just a bit.

Lawrence sighed fondly, his eyes closing as he recalled one of his happiest memories; the day he held Felda for the first time. For obvious reasons, they were forced to handle the delivery on their own and Holo insisted on giving birth in human form. Then, even though she was exhausted and weak, she'd managed to sit up and take the infant from him, licking her head gently and nuzzling her. Then, she bundled her in a blanket and passed her off to Lawrence with a smile before laying down and falling asleep almost immediately. Lawrence knew he had to have spent at least an hour or two just gently fondling Felda's ears while she slept in his arms. He remembered they were incredibly soft, like living velvet. However, the time passed by like seconds, though it could have been years and he'd never have noticed.

Much like his life, he thought vaguely as his new guests came back down to comment gladly on the room and head outside to bring their carts around. It occurred to him that fifty years had passed since those days. Now on the brink of his seventy-fifth year on this earth, he felt closer to the end than ever before. In his prime, he'd danced a close waltz with death at least a dozen times and once it was over, he barely felt worse for the wear. Now, it felt like death was constantly breathing down his neck, just waiting for his guard to fall.

He felt a bead of sweat crawl down his neck at the thought and looked up in time to see his one salvation appear, instantly calming him. Holo trotted over to the desk and leaned forward on it, eying him skeptically, "Lawrence, that is the third time this week you have nearly called me Holo in front of our customers. You of all people know that most humans will not find it normal for someone as old as you to be married to someone as "young" as me."

He sighed, "I know, and I'm sorry, Holo. I keep forgetting for some reason."

Her gaze softened, "You have been doing that a lot lately…." She whispered.

"What?"

"Forget I said anything. I believe it is almost time for supper. 'Tis your turn to cook tonight, is it not?" she said flippantly.

"Yes, it is," he said, giving in with a chuckle, "I'm assuming meat, then?"

"But of course. What else would I eat?"

"Seriously Holo, a few vegetables wouldn't hurt you."

She scoffed and whirled, her tail lashing indignantly, "I have no time for vegetables. I use enough energy consuming the meat. Vegetables would only get in the way."

"It's hardly a wonder why Felda would never eat them," he said, smirking, "You never ate them yourself."

Holo grumbled to herself, eying him irritably before whirling; "I am going to the baths." She announced, "I assume you wish to accompany me?"

"What about dinner?"

"I seem to have lost my appetite. 'Tis your fault Lawrence, for bringing up those stupid vegetables."

"Yeah, yeah, it's my fault. I'll grab some wine and meet you there."

She turned and clapped her hands together, "Oh, you _do_ know the way to my heart, Lawrence!" she chimed, "Perhaps I can find it in my heart to forgive you!"

"You always do anyway."

She laughed and hurried outside. Lawrence stood up, stretching and feeling several bones crackle and snap as he did. Every year, he noticed new cricks with every stretch. He sighed and went into the kitchen in the back behind the wall. He fetched a pitcher of wine he'd been heating up, a trend that Holo had taken to since their time spent in Lenos.

As he grabbed a couple of mugs, he couldn't suppress another sigh. Yes, living with Holo was a headache. But it was a headache he wouldn't trade for all the gold coins in the world.

/ooo/

Holo took a deep drink or four or five from the mug before she came up for air, laughing shrilly as the alcohol began to take effect. She poured another and set the pitcher on the ground beside the steaming spring, sinking down into the water with a heavy sigh, "This feels wonderful," she breathed, "Lawrence, have I ever mentioned how truly clever you were to open a bathhouse and inn here? I was wise indeed never to underestimate you."

She took another drink and Lawrence, sitting a few feet away in a deeper part of the water, rolled his eyes, "If I recall, the only profitable business back then was a bathhouse and inn. Sure, Nyohira is full of them, but they fill up so quickly that there's always demand for them. Hence, our profitable lifestyle."

Holo sighed happily, flipping her sopping wet tail through the water, "Honestly Lawrence, you were born a merchant and you shall die a merchant."

"Well, to die a success is preferable to dying a pauper if you ask me."

Holo hummed softly, but didn't answer. She took a small sip of the wine, an act which surprised Lawrence, but not nearly so much as it did when she suddenly set the cup down on the rocks and then scooted closer to him.

"Did I tell you that Ula is going to pay us a visit soon?" she asked quietly.

"No, I don't think you did. Is something wrong?" he asked, concerned at her sudden shift in mood.

"No, nothing is wrong. Everything is wonderful; she is going to have another child within the year, and she has asked me to attend to her as before."

Lawrence felt an instant twinge of excitement at the prospect of another grandchild, but he also felt a stab of apprehension, and for good reason. Felda had found enormous fortune in discovering another wolf deity from a pack to the west, a young male who had taken an interest in the strange white wolf. Holo suspected that he was likely a remnant descendant of her old pack who had survived the destruction of Yoitsu. The young male, named Ran, was unable to confirm whether or not this was true. He spent a year courting Felda and struggling to win Holo's approval. As mother and daughter were extremely close, it took a while, but finally, Ran broke through their shells and was allowed to take Felda as his mate. She'd chosen to embrace her wolf heritage and spent her days living with Ran and his pack to the west with their young pups, assuming human form only during her visits back home.

Ula on the other hand, was a vastly different story and the source of much of Lawrence's fear and misgivings. It was ironic to consider that Ula, named for the wolf blood flowing through her veins, had chosen to forsake most of her wolf instincts and live as a human in Nyohira. She'd fallen in love with a young nobleman in town and he'd reciprocated her feelings. They'd married within a year of meeting. However, after the marriage, Lawrence took the young man aside for a walk through the woods. There, he initiated a sort of father-son chat with the man, asking whether or not he truly loved Ula and would protect her with all his might. The young man answered with surprising resolve that he did and that he would. Lawrence then took a serious risk and introduced him to Holo in her true form. Predictably, he fell to his knees in terror as he stared up at her looming over him. Holo spoke calmly and gently, explaining to him the situation:

_"It is rather vital for you to know what you are getting yourself involved with, boy. You have chosen my daughter as your mate and now, you must accept the reality; I am Holo the Wise Wolf of Yoitsu. Ula is my daughter and also a wolf of my blood. If you accept her, you shall accept us as well and respect the secret. You shall tell no one of Ula's true nature. Should you endanger my daughter in any way, I shall swallow you once and for all." _

To Lawrence's amazement, once the fear had resided, the young man had agreed readily to Holo's demands. He moved to a fine house on the outskirts of the town with Ula and bought her a variety of clothes with which to cover her wolf ears and silver tail. When the first child was due, he and Ula came to the inn for the delivery and to everyone's astonishment, the newborn child was entirely human in every way, shape, and form. The only sign of his wolf blood was a slight velvety lining on the backs of the child's ears. With the near human appearance, the child was safe to be seen running and playing with the other children, as well as be tended to by the somewhat stuffy noble grandparents.

However, to hear that Ula was expecting another child, Lawrence wondered if they'd be so lucky a second time. He knew that if the old nobles discovered their new grandchild was a wolf, it wouldn't be hard to trace the lineage back to either himself or Holo. If that happened, they'd have no choice but to take Ula and her children and flee for their own safety. Who knew if they'd ever be able to return to Nyohira?

"I know what you are thinking." Holo said suddenly, startling him from his thoughts. He looked down at her as she rested her head on his shoulder, her face flushed from the warmth of the water and the wine, "Come what may, we shall be safe. You know me well enough, Lawrence; I would never allow my cubs' lives to be placed in jeopardy."

He smiled, reaching up to stroke her hair, "Yes. You're a good mother for them, Holo."

"I cannot say the same for you."

He grunted irritably, "_Thank_ you." He muttered. She giggled and snuggled closer to him, "'Tis true; you Lawrence, are a good _father_."

He smiled in mild defeat; He'd walked right into that one. You'd think he'd have learned by now.

She fell silent again and Lawrence felt his concern growing once more. He glanced down at her, noting how she seemed to stare off into space, as if she were grappling with some deep, dark thoughts within her mind.

"Holo, is something wrong?"

"…I was right, you know…." She whispered.

"Right about what?"

She smiled sadly and shook her head, "Not now. I believe I have not yet had enough to drink. Wait until I am cross-eyed and delirious and then I shall tell you."

With that, she grabbed her mug and drank deeply, gasping for air and laughing merrily as she reached for the pitcher. Lawrence watched her silently, enjoying the melodic sound of her laughter and the smile brimming with happiness on her face. Something was troubling her, yes, but she'd never been one to let her anxieties get in the way of her drinking. These days, her tolerance had gone down a bit, but she was still capable of finishing off an entire jug of wine. He was about to settle back when she suddenly launched herself at him and hugged his neck, cackling, "Why Lawrence, do you not know better than to walk about in such a disgraceful manner?" she exclaimed, giggling.

"Holo, get off! What are you talking about?"

"No clothes to be seen at all! Naughty boy, Lawrence! You must be more dishcreet or the whole world shall see that adorable little thing you have!"

"Ookay, I think you've had enough." He said, trying to push her away as she only hugged him tighter.

"I have never has enough! Don'chu try to tell me I's has enough!"

"You're slurring."

"I doonut slurr…."

"Suuure you don't. Come on, time for bed." He said as he helped her out of the bath and draped towels over themselves. She giggled shrilly, "Be as gentul as always." She chuckled.

"Oh please…."

He managed to get them both dressed and back inside to their room in the back of the inn adjacent to the kitchen. Holo immediately flopped down on the bed with a hefty sigh, her tail waving lazily back and forth. As he helped her to her feet to get her into her nightgown, she suddenly turned and glared at him fiercely, making him stagger back slightly.

"H-Huh?"

She stood there swaying lightly back and forth as she glowered daggers at him.

"You stink…."

Lawrence felt a muscle in his forehead twitching. She was seriously drunk this time. He sighed and managed to dress her in her nightgown, watching in mild dismay and amusement as she flopped back down, snoring before she even hit the pillow. He sighed and crawled under the covers on the other side, drawing the other blanket up over her, "I know better by now than to ask you to restrain yourself."

"Hehehe…Lawrence the Wise Wolf…."

Giggling to herself, she gradually drifted back off into sleep. Lawrence watched her a moment or two, marveling at how even so many years later, she still found so much enjoyment in passing out completely drunk Even if most of her amusement came at his expense, he didn't mind. She was happy, and as far as he knew, Felda and Ula were happy too. That was really all he could ask for. With another day at an end, he was once again content as he slipped into blissful slumber.

/ooo/

For some reason, Lawrence awoke bathed in sweat and unable to move. He shifted his arms slightly and found that to be of little help. As he struggled to sit up, he realized what the problem was. He glanced behind him and saw every blanket he personally owned—including the horse's blanket—piled on top of him. Baffled, he tried again to sit up and eventually gave up. Holo must have had _some_ reason in mind burying him under blankets like this. Otherwise, she wouldn't have done it.

"Holo?" he called tentatively, "Are you there?"

No answer. He heard someone walking around out front, but that could've been anybody who was up and awake. He could see light streaming in through the bedroom window so it was certainly late enough for the patrons to up and about.

"Holo?" he called again.

He heard the rustling of her tail before she appeared in the doorway, "Good morning, Lawrence." She said, coming over to the bedside and sitting down beside him. He again struggled to sit up, again to no avail, "Holo, why is—?"

She shushed him with a finger to his lips, "I am surprised at you. Do you not understand your own body?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

She sighed heavily, her ears twitching, "Lawrence, you're feverish. You became so several hours ago and I sensed it immediately."

He blinked in surprise and settled; now that she mentioned it, he did feel rather cold, despite being bundled up so heavily. He also felt a sharp pain in his lungs that made him want to start coughing. He cleared his throat and looked up, noticing her watching him worriedly. He smiled and reached up to pat her head, "Don't worry; I'm going to be fine." He reassured her. She sighed and smiled at him, but he caught a glimpse of doubt in her eyes as she stood up and turned away, "I shall prepare something delicious for you then." She said, "I believe it is time for the "Yoitsu approach" I told you about."

As it turned out, the Yoitsu approach was fairly straightforward. A hot cloth was kept on Lawrence's head and changed throughout most of the day by Holo whenever she got a break from the customers. She had him drink hot water with honey in it and prepared a mutton broth and a piece of white bread with a thin layer of goat cheese spread on it. Lawrence found himself pleasantly surprised at how advanced her cooking skills had become in recent years. In the past, her soup had been little more than flavored water and her stews were basically runny soups. That wasn't even counting how much meat she'd scorched trying to figure out how to work the oven. But now, the broth, while a little on the watery side, was flavorful and warming and paired with the fluffy bread and cheese helped to encourage his appetite. Holo sat with him the whole time while he ate, chewing on her own piece of cheesed bread as she watched him. She was pleased when he managed to finish most of the meal.

"Good appetite," she said, taking the bowl from him, "I'm proud of you, Lawrence."

"Uh-huh," he muttered, smirking fondly, "When did you get so good at this?"

"That sounded like a jab, but I will ignore it. I merely concentrated this time, that is all. Now then, how do you feel?"

He took a deep breath and then coughed fiercely, clearing his throat and sighing, "Well, I still feel winded, but I think I'm fine now. By the way, Holo, shouldn't you be at the front desk for the customers?"

She turned, grinning, "I do not need to, Lawrence. It is all handled."

"Handled?"

At that moment, the sound of footsteps appeared in the hallway outside and a hand appeared on the door frame, followed quickly by a head with a flowing mane of luxurious dark red hair and two elegant silver ears. The dark blue eyes squinted happily at the sight of him as she stepped further into the room, "Good evening, Papa!"

Lawrence started in amazement, "Felda!?"

/ooo/

"Yes, I decided to pay the two of you a visit for a few months. Lenos' woodcutters are starting their yearly excursion so Ran and I moved the pack a short ways to the east." Felda explained, sitting on the bed beside her mother while Holo groomed her daughter's tail.

"You look well, Felda. I'm glad." Lawrence said, watching his wife and daughter fondly. It was astounding how similar Felda was to Holo. Except for the tail, ears, and eyes, they could've been twins.

"I'm glad to see you and Mama looking well too, Papa." Felda answered, "And Mama has told me that Ula will be coming soon. I am to be an aunt all over again!" she squealed, flapping her tail excitedly. Holo scowled at her daughter and started grumbling, her own tail fluffing up in irritation. Felda noticed her mother's animosity and giggling sheepishly, settling back down and allowing her to resume brushing.

"Where is Ran?" Lawrence asked.

"Our pups are old enough to learn to hunt now so they're staying in the woods with their father. They wanted to come, but they were just too excited to get started, Papa. Besides, with all five of them here at once, it'll get a bit noisy and I'm sure that Ula will want quiet."

"Your father will as well," Holo stated, "He is rather ill at the moment, Felda."

"So I see, or rather smell." Felda answered, giggling. "Is there anything I can get for you, Papa?"

"Nothing at the moment." Lawrence said. He paused when he started to cough again, the tremors rattling his body each time. He finally settled with a sigh and cleared his throat, "Actually, some hot water would be nice." He said, smiling.

"Right away." Felda said, breaking away from her mother and taking off out the door. Holo stared after her irritably, "That girl will never cease being an idiot."

"She must take after me." Lawrence joked, "So she likes her hair better than her tail Holo; it still looks nice."

"Yes, but still…."

"Don't forget she's still young. Well, for a wolf deity anyway. Maybe she'll come around. Now, when is Ula due to arrive?"

"Anytime, now. Possibly this evening or tomorrow morning, perhaps." Holo replied, "As for you, you must rest. I do not like the sound of that cough."

"Not to worry; I'll rest up plenty and be ready for the big family reunion." He said, smiling. She returned it and stood up, leaning forward to give him a quick kiss, "Perhaps I shall go and hunt down a scrumptious boar for the occasion. Felda will help me prepare it."

"Sounds good. But be careful."

"Oh Lawrence, you worry ever so much." She said, grinning. She headed for the door, casting him one final loving glance before stepping out. Lawrence was then surrounded by quiet, broken only about ten minutes later when the earth suddenly trembled for no explicable reason to normal people. Lawrence of course knew that Holo had simply taken off in her true form to go hunting. When you're a twenty-foot wolf, you can't exactly walk quietly.

He laid his head back down on the pillow with a hefty sigh, allowing his eyes to fall shut in the blissful peace and quiet of the inn.

He was woken up a short while later with an intense need to cough and proceeded to do so for another two minutes before finally settling down. The noise had been picked up by Felda's sensitive ears and she came in to check on him, "Papa, are you all right?"

"Yes," he said huskily, clearing his throat for what felt like the hundredth time, "I'm fine, Felda. Is your mother back, yet?"

She shook her head, "No, not yet. She's only been gone about an hour. I've been addressing myself as your niece to the customers to avoid any confusion."

So Holo had reminded her. Ever since Lawrence had passed thirty-five and Holo remained incredibly young-looking, they'd spread the story that she was in fact Felda and that Holo had actually 'passed away', leaving Lawrence to care for the inn with his 'daughter's' help. Since Felda spent most of the year in the forests to the west, it became that much easier to keep the façade up.

"You sound terrible, Papa. Should I summon a doctor from town?"

"No, I'm fine. You don't need to go to the trouble."

"But I—"

"He's right, dear, for I already have."

Felda and Lawrence both looked up as Holo appeared in the doorway, nodding to her daughter. This glance told her to cover her ears immediately. She did so and turned around as Holo stepped aside, allowing an older gentleman dressed in a thick winter coat to come through the doorway. He nodded to Felda and turned to Holo, "So then, is this…?"

"Yes sir," Holo said, "This is my father, Kraft Lawrence. He is the one I told you about. Oh, and this is a cousin of mine here for a visit." She said, gesturing toward Felda.

Lawrence blinked in bewilderment as the man approached, carrying a bag of instruments. He greeted him cheerfully, "Good evening sir. My name is Bernard Rickland. I'm a doctor in residence in Nyohira at the moment, though I shall be returning to Lenos very soon. I was approached by your lovely daughter here to examine you." He said with a merry chuckle.

Lawrence laughed lightly in mind defeat, "Yes, she does have quite a gregarious personality doesn't she?" he admitted, smiling at his "daughter". Holo grinned, "Well, I believe I shall take care of that boar that was given to us," she said. She bared her fangs and licked her lips while the doctor's back was turned. She grabbed Felda and dragged her out of the room, both laughing as they left.

Bernard chuckled, "It must be enjoyable to have such a merry family, sir. Am I to call you Kraft or Lawrence?"

"Lawrence, please," he replied, "And I am to call you…?"

"Bernard. Rickland sounds like a bad joke." The doctor chortled, "So then, Mr. Lawrence, tell me what has been ailing you."

Lawrence rattled off the pain in his lungs and the fever and hot sweats he'd come down with the night before. He mentioned how quickly it had progressed in so short a time. All the while, the doctor continued to smile warmly, nodding his head and keeping his emotions in check. Lawrence found himself quite impressed at his bedside manner. If something was wrong, he wasn't showing it. He stayed quiet while the doctor checked his pulse and then reached into his bag to pull out a wooden tube. Lawrence tilted his head, "What's that?"

"It's an interesting new technique that's been developed recently. Mercenaries will sometimes stab a tree with a knife and then press their ears to it to hear vibrations from far away. This was created using a similar method and it will allow me to listen to your lungs. Now then, please remove your shirt."

Lawrence did so and the doctor placed the wooden cylinder on his chest, turning his head sideways so his ear was pressed to it. He covered his other ear and instructed Lawrence to take a deep, full breath and then exhale slowly. He asked him to do this several times, each time listening in different spots on his chest. Finally, he drew back and placed the tube back into his bag, "So then, how have you been dealing with this so far?"

"I've been trying to take it easy, more or less. I've been resting a lot, at Felda's insistence of course." He said with a chuckle.

"And how is your appetite?"

"I ate some broth and bread today, but I wasn't very hungry. I don't usually eat very much these days."

"I see. Mr. Lawrence, are you in any pain right now?"

"No, not really. Except for the coughing—well, and a slight headache—, I feel decent. I think I could probably go back to work tomorrow or the day after."

He paused, looking up at the doctor, his own eyes narrowing. He raised an eyebrow, "Mr. Bernard, is there something wrong?"

Bernard fidgeted slightly, closing the bag and pulling a cloth out of his pocket to clean his glasses, setting them back on his nose. He faced Lawrence again, "Well, yes, I'm afraid there is, Mr. Lawrence."

Lawrence settled back against the wall and sighed, "Well, no reason to beat around the bush, doctor. Go ahead."

"When I listen to your breathing, I hear a faint crackling sound. As yet, we don't know what causes it, but these crackles, known as '_Rales'_, are usually notice of a more serious condition forming in the lungs. Given the symptoms you've described, I have reason to believe you are in the early to mid-stages of Pneumonia."

Lawrence didn't bat an eye at the diagnosis. He looked away, humming, "I see."

"With treatment and rest, there is a good chance you'll pull through, Mr. Lawrence. We seem to have caught it fairly early. With this in mind, I recommend a light diet and to stay indoors at all costs. Given your advanced age, if you breathe the cold air for too long, it could be the death of you." He said firmly.

"What?"

"I'm very serious, Mr. Lawrence. Patients with Pneumonia have been known to pull through, and since we've found it early, I can warn you early. I stress again; stay indoors. Do not go outside for at least half a year if you can at all help it. In fact, given your age coupled with your condition, it might even be in your best interests to either sell the inn or leave it with your children and move south where it's warmer."

Baffled, Lawrence sat up slightly, "Move south?"

"Yes. Nyohira is cold nearly all year round. I understand you're a busybody and need to move around, so staying indoors constantly probably won't help your mental state. In order to prolong your life, I strongly recommend going south, Mr. Lawrence."

Lawrence looked away, his mind wandering. He sighed, "I'll think hard on it, doctor." He said.

"Very good. Now then, you get some rest. I'll leave some instructions on your care with your daughter. Good day, sir."

Lawrence listened to his footsteps dying away as he leaned back against the pillow, staring at his hands; His weathered, hardened old hands, worn and broken from so many years of hard work. He clenched his fingers tightly and leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling. He felt the pressure in his chest rising again and pitched forward, coughing viciously, feeling the pain intensify with each breath. He sighed, raising his head again.

He didn't even jump when he saw Holo standing there at the door. She was staring intently at him, not moving a muscle. He met her stare head on, refusing to budge. She finally made the first move when she stepped further in and closed the door, locking it behind her. She moved forward slowly, silently. Her tail swished elegantly behind her and she pulled the old white hat from her head, unveiling her ears. She moved to sit down on the bed beside him and then leaned forward, lying down on his chest with her ear pressed against him. They twitched several times as he breathed in and out, his arms going up around her comfortingly.

She already knew. There was no point in hiding it.

She smiled sadly, "Wow…that doctor is very good. That crackling is an odd sound indeed…."

"He called them '_Rales'. _I suppose it must be French." Lawrence answered, stroking her hair softly.

She turned so she was gazing up at him, her nose wrinkled and her face bitter; "You stink…." She muttered.

"Yes, you mentioned that last night." He said, smirking bemusedly. She laid her head down on him again, her ears drooping, "No…you stink of illness, Lawrence." She whispered, "I smelled it on you last night, and the night before, and the night before that, and the night before that. It has been growing more pungent for several days, now."

Lawrence heaved a great sigh, "So you've known for a while, then…." He stated.

"I convinced myself it was a simple illness, one from which you would bounce back with ease. But as the smell grew stronger, my lie began to crumble. Lawrence, I can barely smell _you_ now; it is so strong."

She fell silent. Her tail draped over the side and swung back and forth ponderously. Lawrence shifted her in his arms so he lay on his side, cradling her carefully and continuing to pet her hair gently.

"Maybe we don't have to worry, Holo." He mumbled, "The doctor said we caught it early. Thanks to you, of course."

She smiled at that and giggled slightly, "'Tis true. My nose is very sensitive."

"Yes. He said that with care and proper treatment, I'll stand a good chance of pulling through."

"I heard most of what he rambled on about. You are not to go outside and you are to consume a light diet."

"Yes, that's the gist of it. However…."

She raised her head, "However…?"

Lawrence struggled to sit up, leaning up against the wall and looking at her seriously. He wasn't sure how much of the conversation she'd heard, or whether or not she'd heard this next part. But whatever the case, she had to know.

"Holo, he recommended that I move south to warmer climates. He said that that is the best chance I have at prolonging my life." He told her, watching her face with a lump of pure terror festering in his gut. She watched him blankly, blinking slowly, "He wants you to move south," she repeated, "I assume the warmer air would be beneficial to you."

"It would."

Holo closed her eyes, looking down. Her hair obscured her vision and he couldn't see the thoughts running across her face. When she raised it again, she was smiling softly, "I shall go into town to purchase supplies and a new cart." She told him, reaching up to stroke the side of his face, playing with his trim white beard, "You rest and I shall handle the preparations."

"Holo, I—"

"I have an idea. I shall send a message to Milone Trading in Pazzio. After all you had done for them, surely they can find us a nice house in the city. Perhaps close to the river. I always loved the sweet scent. Or would you prefer a different town instead?"

"Holo—"

"Truly, I believe Pazzio to be the wisest option for us. Though you are no longer a merchant, you still have clout in Milone Trading. I am quite sure it would be a simple matter to establish a new inn."

Lawrence grabbed her hand, halting her as she turned to him. His expression was distraught, his eyes pleading. Holo looked away, her tail and ears drooping as he pulled her back down into his arms, hugging her tightly, "Holo, what about Yoitsu?" he whispered.

"What _about_ Yoitsu?" she asked sternly, trying to sound as if she didn't care. But her voice cracked and Lawrence certainly didn't miss it.

"Remember when we met?" he asked, "I promised to take you back to Yoitsu. I told you we would find your home together, no matter what it took or how far we had to go."

"Lawrence, the promise made we have kept for so very long. But at the end of the day, it is nothing more than a promise made by two children to meet again in the morning. It is a promise that was beautiful to remember, but is not likely to happen."

"And why not?" he asked strongly. Holo stared at him in amazement, surprised at his determined answer. She looked away, "You heard the doctor. Your health is now very delicate. He was right; if you are to survive, we must return to the south immediately."

"And what about Felda and Ula?"

"They are both grown. They will be fine." Holo replied quietly.

"Holo, I know you want to see your home again." He pressed.

"My home is wherever you are. I am content, Lawrence. I always have been."

Lawrence's eyes darkened and he grasped her shoulders, shocking her, "Don't lie to me, Holo." He said firmly. She blinked rapidly, stunned by this turn in his mood. He sighed, "For years, whenever Yoitsu was mentioned, your ears would perk. When you told our children bedtime tales you'd remembered from Yoitsu, your eyes would shine. When you were outside chopping wood or guiding the merchants around the side, if your eyes fell southwest toward Yoitsu, you would become solemn and melancholy. You can't hide it from me Holo; you want to see it. I _know_ you do."

Her eyes glistened with tears she refused to shed and she looked away, her expression wounded, "Lawrence, everything my life has become was built on the sacrifices you made for me. You did _everything_ for me and I have done…_nothing_…."

"You know that isn't true, Holo."

"It _is_." She insisted.

"I can promise you, Holo. Your very existence in my life has been more to me than I could ever give back. You gave me everything I ever wanted in life; a companion, a home, my own shop, a wife, and a family. You sacrificed fifty more years you could've spent searching for Yoitsu just to be with me. I want to give that back to you. I owe you Holo and I believe it's time I fulfilled that promise I made you so long ago. I want to take you to your home."

Holo didn't answer. Ears low, she pulled away from him and stood up, tail motionless, "Do you remember what you said to me in Pazzio when we were pursued by Medio Trading?" she whispered, "You said 'a debt is not the same as your life'. That statement has returned with a vengeance, Lawrence, for it is not I, Holo the Wise Wolf who is in danger. It is your life at risk. And the danger does not come from an insubstantial human with a pathetic steel sword or pointed stick; the threat arises from your very own body. I could defend you from a hundred warriors, but I cannot protect you from your own body. If we went to Yoitsu, you…you would…."

She shook her head viciously and whirled away from him, facing the wall. Her shoulder shook with barely suppressed sobs. Lawrence pushed back the blankets and carefully stood up, feeling slightly dizzy from the lingering fever as he moved toward her. He embraced her tightly, startling her.

"Holo, this is our last chance," he whispered, "We've had so many chances before in the past. We never took them. This is our final chance to see Yoitsu together, as we intended."

"Lawrence…the children…." Holo muttered.

"Felda knows as well as I how desperately you wanted to see Yoitsu again. She will understand and she will make Ula understand."

Holo started to shake again, turning in his arms and hugging him tightly, as if he might disappear before her very eyes. She finally started to cry and he stroked her hair gently.

Outside, the sky burst and the snow began to fall very slowly and steadily into the forest. As the sun sank down over the horizon, the world fell into a peaceful dreamless slumber, awaiting the warmth of the dawn which seemed to never come.

/ooo/

The snow hit hard.

Travel in all directions was ground to a halt. A blizzard whirled in from the far north, bathing the mountains and the forest in a blanket of pure white. It fell hard and fast, ending overnight, but leaving the roads impassable.

Holo and Felda stood at the window of the inn, both of their tails swishing irritably as they contemplated the conditions outside.

"There's no way Ula can make it here," Felda said, "If she transformed, sure, but her husband and son won't make it at all."

"'Tis true, sadly. If she wishes for her second child to be born a human, she must avoid turning into a wolf as much as possible," Holo agreed, "And the road is harsher further west. You shall have to stay a while longer."

Felda grinned, "I'll survive _somehow_." She joked, "I could use a break from the pups."

Her grin fell slightly and she glanced back toward the closed door leading to her parents' room. She sighed, "So how is Papa doing?"

Holo whisked her tail back and forth slowly, her arms folded beneath her fur shawl, "Not very well, Felda. I am sure you are aware of the situation…."

Felda's ears drooped, "Yes…Mama, are you two really going?"

Holo's heart clenched at that, but she forced her face to remain passive, "He was quite insistent. And if it is nearly his time, I wish to grant his request." She whispered, "Besides, we may never get another chance."

Felda seemed downcast, "You know, I was always closest to you, Mama, but I still love Papa. Ula…she loves him more than anything. He might very well be the reason she wished to hold onto her human heritage. What will we do?"

"Your father and I spent over three years traveling the lands and peddling goods before settling here in Nyohira. He chose this place because it was close to where Yoitsu once was. If there is anything I learned through all of that, it is that every trial must be faced, not run away from. Ula is strong. She will be saddened if anything happens, but we must face the facts."

Holo turned fully, her red eyes now slitted like a wolf's, "We three are wolves, Felda. Your father is a human. Even you and Ula with your mixed blood will have a significantly longer lifespan than a typical human. You are forty-six years old and still but a pup in the eyes of my kind. Your father has but a blink of an eye in our lives. And that eye might just be blinking as we speak."

Felda watched her mother closely, noting from the drooping ears and motionless tail how weary she was. She knew her mother was quite old, though exactly how old remained to be seen. She wasn't even sure if her father knew precisely how old she was. Holo's eyes were glassy and worn as they gazed down at the floor. Her expression was one of prolonged fatigue and exhaustion, though not of the physical kind. As she took in all of these features, a new concern came into Felda's mind and she lashed her tail slowly, "Mama, are _you_ planning to come back at all?" she asked softly.

Holo fixed her daughter with a soft stare, but didn't answer her. She instead took her daughter's shoulder and guided her over to a table near the mantle. She bade her sit down and then set to brushing her long dark hair, running the tortoise shell comb gently through the thick locks. Felda sat silently, enjoying the tingling sensation of her hair being groomed. She sighed and closed her eyes.

"Whatever your decision Mama, I support you both." She said simply.

Holo smiled lovingly, "You were always my sweet little girl."

"And I always will be."

/ooo/

The darkness was suffocating.

The candle sat on the desk, unlit and forgotten.

Outside, the wind howled, threatening another batch of snow and ice.

Holo sat quietly beside him in the darkness. He remained silent, his jacket on and scarf wrapped up to his nose to warm the breaths he took. His gloved hand held hers while her other hand sat clenched in her lap.

"You told her?" he whispered.

"I was intentionally vague, but she is quite smart, Lawrence. She has said she will support our decision."

"Will you regret it, Holo?"

She hesitated, her eyes shining in the darkness as she ground her teeth together, "…No. This is what you want, Lawrence and so it is what I want."

"Can you hear anything?"

Holo closed her eyes, straining her ears to hear even the slightest sound reverberating throughout the inn. The only sound she heard were the soft, even breaths of the patrons as they slept.

And footsteps. Pacing.

"Felda," she whispered, "She is walking around upstairs. She must be waiting to see us off. She will probably watch from the window."

"How will we travel?"

"I shall transform and carry you inside my mouth. You must breathe as little cold air as possible. I shall stop for periodic rests, but I will continue to run until I can no longer move. Once we reach my former territories, I honestly do not know what we can expect to find, Lawrence. The land that was once Yoitsu no longer exists."

"We promised to find it together, Holo. No matter what we find."

Holo's ears twitched and she opened her eyes, "All is now still, Lawrence."

"It's now or never."

They both stood up and headed for the door, closing it behind them. Lawrence carried a bag filled with wheat bread and dried meats and cheese. He also had a canteen. He paused at the front door when Holo gently nudged him back, going outside and shutting the door. Over the years, as the original wheat had begun to run out, Lawrence had purchased bundles of wheat to replenish it, threshing new grains for her to keep in the old moth-eaten bag, patched over many times. He waited, watching until the earth shook briefly and the sound of enormous stamping paws could be heard outside. Drawing the scarf up over his face again, he took a breath of warm air and stepped out, reaching down to grab the discarded clothes and fur shawl at the base of her massive feet. She laid down on her belly and threw him a meaningful glance before opening her mouth wide. Lawrence hesitated briefly at those enormous teeth, but carefully stepped over them onto her tongue. She closed her mouth slightly and he heard her voice;

"_I would prefer you to keep a hand on a tooth at all times, Lawrence. If I should swallow by accident, I would feel much better knowing you won't slide down." _

Lawrence obliged, wrapping an arm around one giant fang and feeling it as she stood up gently. She kept her mouth slightly open to allow fresh air to filter in for him, though the warmth in her spacious mouth kept it from staying cold for long. In this manner, he could also see out slightly. At first, he felt a little excited at being able to see the ground fly by them as they traveled, but this excitement was dimmed as his head began to throb painfully and he coughed fiercely behind the scarf.

_"Lawrence? Are you all right?_" she asked worriedly. He sighed and patted her tongue to reassure her. He felt her sigh deeply, the gush of hot air plowing into him from deep within her throat, "_This is it, Lawrence. If we are to turn back, the time is now._"

"No…." he said weakly, hoping she heard him. She seemed to have, as he felt her begin to move forward slowly, walking as quietly as she could to avoid waking the patrons. The up-down motion was soothing and Lawrence rested his head on his other arm, warmed by her breath. When she started to run after a while, he realized that most of the force was transferred to her back and hind legs. She breathed harder to compensate the cold air rushing into her mouth. Because of this, Lawrence still felt warm.

Back at the inn, Felda watched from an upstairs window as her mother disappeared rapidly through the trees, carrying her father with her. Tears streamed down her face as she turned away from the window, moving to the bed and laying down with her tail curled up to her nose.

"…goodbye, Papa…."

/ooo/

Darkness enclosed him, tossing him about in a sea of shadows. Every time he drew a breath, he was stabbed by a knife. Every time he tried to sit up, dizziness overcame his vision and pushed him back down. He felt cold, hot, awake, and asleep all at once. Cocooned in a swathe of darkness, he whirled about in a panic, searching blindly for the way out, the way the led to where the light was. He felt incredibly hot, like he was drowning. He yelled as an enormous pressure suddenly pushed him down before receding again, only for it to return and nearly suffocate him where he lay. Lawrence desperately pushed it away and struggled to sit up, gasping and coughing viciously. Suddenly, the cold air vanished and was replaced with warm air that smelled of wheat. And fur.

He opened his eyes a crack, one eyebrow raised when his sight was filled with nothing but orange.

"_Thank goodness,_" he heard Holo say, _"I could not wake you, Lawrence."_

He opened his eyes fully and found that his whole body was covered with her enormous tail, with the rest of her curled tightly around him against the cold. It was snowing fiercely around them, but her thick coat and body heat prevented the majority of it from reaching him. She however, was covered in the cold fluffy flakes.

"Holo…," he whispered hoarsely, "Aren't you cold?"

_"You are silly, Lawrence. This is nothing to me. 'Tis you who is cold. You have been asleep for much of our journey thus far._"

"How far have we come?"

_A full day's run. I have not stopped once. I have good news, Lawrence. I believe I recognize this land._"

Lawrence immediately tried to sit up, but fell back weakly with another bout of ragged coughs. This time, he tasted blood in his mouth, but he swallowed it back before Holo could catch a whiff of it. He smiled up at her, "You do?"

_"Yes! We passed a mountain range I am _sure_ I have seen before! I can also smell a river close by! There was a river I passed on my journey from Yoitsu! We must be close!"_

She opened her mouth next to him and gently picked him up, allowing him to get situated again. She stood up and immediately set out on the path. Lawrence latched onto a fang as before and settled down, smiling in spite of his aching body. He felt feverish again, enough so that the dizziness was almost sickening. He at first found it odd that Holo didn't feel it, but then he remembered how truly excited she now was that they were so close to Yoitsu. She was so happy he couldn't help but feel excited too. For decades, they'd discussed returning. Now, this was their last chance to see Yoitsu together. Lawrence knew that unless they saw it together, Holo would probably never be able to work up the courage to return on her own. He knew deep down that she was excited, but also very afraid of what she might find there, if anything.

He passed into deep slumber again, lulled by her steady gait. She'd slowed her pace slightly, if only to pause and sniff the air. However, with each sniff, she picked up the pace again. Gradually though, exhaustion and fever won out over Lawrence's willpower and he slipped into unconsciousness again. He didn't awaken until she stopped suddenly; _"Lawrence, I smell ice water! We are very close! I know this place! I have been here before! I am sure of it!"_

She was going up, now, traversing a rocky hillside. Lawrence's heart skipped a beat at the slightly steep angle, but her steps were accurate and well-placed. Rocks tumbled down the hill behind them, but she paid them no mind as she bounded further and further up, her breath coming in sharp pants.

Lawrence managed to look up feebly and saw in the distance, the faint marks of pink and purple on the eastern horizon. The sun was coming up. He heaved himself up on his elbow as Holo straightened out her angle, now trotting easily across what appeared to be a snowy plateau.

"_The air here smells so familiar, Lawrence! I can feel it! This is the place!_"

Lawrence forced himself to a kneeling position, now eager to finally lay eyes on the Promised Land they'd dreamed of for so many years. He felt it as her steps slowed from a canter, to a trot, and then a steady walk. Finally, she came to a complete stop.

She was still. She made no sound. Lawrence couldn't see anything through her mouth and front teeth. What was it? What was she looking at?

_"Oh…."_ She breathed. But her tone was flat and Lawrence couldn't tell what she was thinking. He shakily stood up, signaling to her that he wanted to get out. She lowered her head, letting him gently slide to the ground. He yanked the scarf up over his face and stood up woozily, bracing his hand against her massive front leg for support. He squinted his eyes, shielding his brow from the rising sun as he gazed out over the horizon.

His eyes went wide.

/ooo/

In all their years of dreaming of finding Yoitsu, never in the wildest imaginations had they believed they'd see what they were seeing now.

"Oh…Holo…." Lawrence whispered, craning his neck back to look up at her face. Her eyes were enormously wide and disbelieving as she processed what they'd long suspected, but never fully known. Even still, this was beyond anything they'd come to embrace as a possible reality.

Water was everywhere, covering the entire basin of the valley in which Yoitsu rested. From where they stood to the craggy forested mountains of the far north, an unimaginably large freshwater lake rested peacefully, frozen over in shallow spots from the frigid weather. Lawrence couldn't see too well in the hazy morning, but far off in the distance, he spied a crevice in the valley wall leading off to the northeast toward Nyohira and the surrounding settlements. He could see a large tributary drawing water from the lake. His knowledge of the region's geography told him that not far from Nyohira, a large manmade lake had been created by loggers as a shortcut to the Roan River. The lake had been connected to local rivers in the area and several other lakes had been created in natural basins all around the region formed from meltwater and large northern rivers. It never once occurred to Lawrence where most of that meltwater originated from.

"…Holo, I…."

Holo sighed heavily and plopped down hard on her belly, nudging Lawrence gently between her paws and nestling him against the thick fur at her breast, "_Never mind, Lawrence,_" she whispered, lowering her head to envelop him in her warmth, _"After all…we knew all along that my home was no longer there, did we not?" _

_ "_But still," he said huskily, suppressing another round of coughing, "We never expected _this_…."

"_Interestingly enough…we _still_ have not found Yoitsu…have we?" _

Lawrence paused a moment, considering what she'd just said. He turned, gazing out over the still waters of the lake, beneath which the waterlogged remains of Yoitsu lay, forever in waiting for is former inhabitants who would never return.

"You're right…we still haven't found Yoitsu. And by the look of it, we never will…." He muttered, leaning back into her fur. With each breath he took, the cold air slashed and stabbed at his lungs, making him heave harshly in order to keep it quiet. Holo was still coming to terms with the fact that not just her home, but her very world was now gone forever. The last thing she needed was worry for him weighing down her mind. He turned his head, breathing in the sweet, wheaten scent of her fur and sighing deeply, assaulting his lungs yet again. He felt the coppery taste of blood on the back of his tongue.

"_Lawrence, I am grateful. For the first time in hundreds of years, I now have complete closure. Whatever Yoitsu once looked like following its destruction will forever remain hidden from my eyes. I shall never again set foot there, but I am happy knowing that I progressed this far."_

"I…I'm happy too, Holo," Lawrence whispered, "I'm glad that I got to se—"

He pitched forward suddenly as a wave of wrenching coughs wracked his body, sending him into a fit and gasping desperately for air that only furthered to damage his lungs. Holo whined shrilly and lowered her head, puffing gusts of warm air down onto him in desperation. She stood up and immediately curled up in a ball, enveloping him up against her and wrapping her tail around him, surrounding him completely, "_Lawrence! Lawrence, are you all right! Answer me!_" she cried, continuing to breathe warm air on him. As he gasped for lifesaving air that only furthered his suffocation, he continued to cough savagely and Holo caught a whiff of blood coming from him. She snarled and her lips curled back to reveal her sharp fangs, "_Lawrence, have you been in pain this whole time and not told me?_" she demanded.

Lawrence struggled to stop coughing to answer her, but each time he seemed to find his breath, another wave crashed over him and he turned onto his side, his whole body heaving. He spat out a mouthful of blood onto the snow and buried his face in Holo's warm fur, taking short, testing breaths of warm air permeating her body. He stayed this way for a few minutes, quelling his ragged breathing and fighting to settle his rattling body. Finally, he raised his head and turned over, coming face to face with her as she stared at him fearfully. She let out a shrill whine and nuzzled him gently with her nose. He stroked her snout comfortingly and smiled weakly, "I…I'm sorry, Holo. I really am…."

"_Idiot! You have nothing to be sorry for! If anyone is to be sorry, it is I! I have dragged you out here while you are so sick and—"_

He tugged the fur of her snout very gently to shush her and shook his head, "No, Holo. I wanted to come. It's been our dream to find your homeland, right?" he whispered, his voice so hoarse that she had to strain to hear him.

"_But we _didn't _find it, Lawrence. This was all for nothing!"_ she cried, now beginning to whimper. "_And now…you are…you…._"

"I'm fine…Holo." He said, smiling. She nuzzled him again and snarled, whimpering, "_How DARE you lie to Holo the Wise Wolf._" She snapped, resting her head beside him.

She was tempted to just scoop him up into her mouth and run as fast as her legs could carry her back to Nyohira, back to the safety and warmth of their inn and the comfort of their bed so he could rest. So he could recover. So he could remain on this earth a little while longer. But now, she knew that no matter how fast she ran, she could not outrun death. He was now sitting beside Lawrence and she could do nothing to stop Him. She curled her body tighter, desperately trying to warm him. All the while, her sensitive ears could hear his heartbeat growing irregular as it struggled to keep up with his ailing body. The beats began to grow frequently out of place, the sound becoming duller. The sensation caused a sharp whine to escape her throat. This brilliant, compassionate, loving, idiot of a heart that she adored so dearly was slowing. In all her power, in all her strength, she could do nothing now.

"Holo," he said softly, stroking the side of her face gently, "What made you stick around with me, even though I was so hopeless?"

"_That is an easy question…I believed you were adorable, of course._" She replied.

"I have to say," he whispered, "You were pretty cute yourself."

"_To call Holo the Wise Wolf 'cute' so frivolously? You must be mad, Lawrence." _

He chuckled dryly, "Perhaps. You know…I do love you, Holo."

She whimpered again, "_Don't say such sad things…._"

"It's true…."

"_Lawrence…,_" she muttered, looking down at him, _"Please…please do not leave me. Not yet! Just a little longer, please! It is too soon!"_

He breathed slowly, nestled warmly against her thick fur, protected from the frigid cold around them. Holo growled and then whined, nudging him gently, "_Lawrence! If you go now, then how I will I return without you!? I cannot! I _will_ not!_"

He opened his eyes faintly and looked up at her, his vision now swirling and oddly hazy., "Holo…."

"_I WILL not! Lawrence, if you leave, then I shall go with you! I fulfilled your final request now please fulfill mine! Let me go with you!_"

To her anger and frustration, he shook his head, "No, Holo…this time, I _have_ to leave you behind. You cannot come with me."

She roared a short, bellowing howl of frustration and despair, _"NO! Lawrence, I _always_ wait outside for you to return! I want to accompany you this time!_"

He smiled, his breaths rattling and uneven, "It won't be long, Holo…and I promise to come back to get you once I've concluded my business…."

She shook her head, her ears drooping, "_You always say that…you take far too long…please…."_

"Just wait…a little longer, Holo. It won't be long…I promise you. I _will_ come to get you when…my business is concluded…."

She looked skeptical, her lower jaw chattering in distress. He smirked slightly, chuckling dryly and slowly, "Ask your ears…am I lying?"

"_You are not…._"

"Please Holo…wait outside…I promise, I won't take…."

Several silent seconds passed. Holo waited impatiently, staring hard at him. She shook her head, whining shrilly as she nudged him.

She recoiled, her hackles rising at the terrible scent. She shook the thought away, nudging him again, _"Lawrence…Lawrence…Lawrence! LAWRENCE!"_

Instinct told her what was, even as she tried to convince herself of what wasn't. The rising sun warmed her fur as it found her on the valley edge overlooking the watery grave of her homeland. Throughout the region, animals and humans alike looked up and quaked in fear at the sound of the deep and mournful howls that reverberated across the northlands. The sound sent all living things scurrying, even other wolves.

The howls continued on for hours until they finally died away, the voice of the owner giving out from the strain. One final, meager howl met the ears of the listeners until they finally fell silent.

_I have to go home…I have to go home…I have to go home…I have to go home…_

…_I have to go home…_

_ /ooo/_

Nyohira was cold. It always was and always would be. Travelers flocked there for a myriad of reasons; new generations of worldly and starry-eyed merchants came with furs and other goods to peddle. Tourists came to investigate the famous hot springs and bathe in the luxurious and warm waters. Evangelists came to preach the word of God and were more often than not ignored by most of the Pagan residents who lived in Nyohira. The fortunate ones left on their own terms, rather than be chased out by irritated townsfolk.

The inns thrived, packed with travelers and weary customers looking for nothing more than a warm room, a hot meal, and a soft bed. The Spice and Wolf Inn was a favorite in those parts, and the proprietors often struggled to keep up with the reservations flocking in.

"Great…Ula, hurry up! We have more coming! I can see them down the road!"

"Hold on, Felda, jeez! I can only do so much at a time!"

"I told you, call me Laura when we have customers!" Felda hissed as her sister passed by. Ula rolled her eyes, straightening the kerchief tied over her ears, "This is confusing. Yes, yes, I'm coming!"

Felda sighed and turned to a new couple coming toward the counter, "Hello, welcome to Spice and Wolf Inn. You're fortunate; we have one double room left available!"

Upstairs in a small attic space, a single pair of red eyes stared through the darkness of the cold room out through slats in the wooden wall toward the southwest horizon. She could hear the clamor of the crowd bustling about downstairs. With the coming spring thaw, more travelers would be making the journey toward the town in search of lodgings and good food and drink. Holo nursed her own mug of burning wine, savoring the flavor rather than chugging it down in one go. She'd discovered that it tasted even better if she took her time finishing it. She was down to five cups of wine a day, but she found she was enjoying it more than she ever had before. In a sense, it was still a win for her. She set the mug down and sighed, leaning back.

She turned at the sound of footsteps on the attic stairs and smiled, "Hello, Felda." She greeted, "Have the crowds died down, some?"

"A little," Felda replied, crawling over to sit near her mother, "It's packed down there now with merchants from all over the north preparing to head to Lenos for the wood trade. There are even a few from the south visiting here. One man spoke of a town called Pazzio far to the southwest. I think I should like to visit there someday."

Holo sighed, taking a drink of her wine, "A journey would be good for you, Felda. However, make certain that stay away from any harvesting fields."

"Huh?"

"Forget I said anything. So then, are you planning to return to the west soon?"

Felda's eyes narrowed and she looked away, folding her knees up and curling her tail around herself, "No, not for a while. I spoke with Ran…given our circumstances, he and I believe it's time the pups learned about their human heritage. They can hunt proficiently now, so now it's time they experienced life among humans. I was hoping we could stay here until we'd found a place in town."

"You are most welcome," Holo said with a smile, "We have more than enough room here."

"So you're doing okay, then?"

Holo sighed and looked away, her eyes taking on a sheen of a faraway gaze, as if she were staring into the sky itself through the roof of the inn, "I believe so…yes…," she mumbled, "I fear I shall never be the same as I once was, but I am willing to be patient for a while longer."

She took another deep drink of her wine, "For it shall not be too long, I assume."

"I visited there this morning, you know. That little glen you found is so peaceful and quiet, Mama. Ula still won't go near there, though…."

Holo hugged her daughter with one arm, "She will accept it in time," she mumbled, "There are no regrets, and nothing to hold us back. In the end, he granted every single wish I ever dreamed of. I am not alone, and I know now that I never shall be again."

She reached up to gently clasp the little wheat pouch hanging around her neck on the aging, dry piece of leather. She smiled, "My memories are vibrant. After all, this is really only the beginning."

Felda smiled and was about to answer when they heard rapid footsteps on the attic stairs and turned to see Ula's silver head pop up in a panic, "Mama, Felda, Kraft got into the flour bags in the kitchen! There's flour everywhere!"

"Oh dear," Felda answered, putting her hat back on and standing up, "I guess it's bath time again today, isn't it?"

Holo stood up as well, pulling her shawl around her shoulders and following her daughters down the steps. She glanced back at the mug of wine sitting on the floor. She smiled when she caught sight of another worn, weathered mug sitting against the wall near the window, also filled with wine. She smiled slowly and turned away, leaving both mugs behind. Darkness filled the attic as she shut the door behind her.

This is my first—and last—Spice and Wolf fanfiction. These days, I just don't seem to have the time to focus on Fanfictions and not to worry, Simple Remembrance is still on, as well as Of Promises and Perseverance and even Times of Change. I found the original files and read them every chance I get. But for some reason, this long oneshot consumed my focus for five whole days. I could not stop working on it and I wanted it to be perfect. No chapters, no breaks, just straight through. I love this series and it's dedicated to my awesome big sister Amanda, an even bigger Spice and Wolf fan than anyone I know.


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